So, Nessa decided to let me host part 3 of our Fun Facts About The Vagina blog series. I will make her proud. Obviously, since I am responsible for posting part 3, it’s a day late. That’s okay though. First, I will say a few things I know about vaginas from personal experience. I am pretty certain my own fun facts will blow this entire list out of the water. Okay, well first, vaginas are very wet and feel great. Also they are delicious. Also, vaginas are like super neat and if I could turn anything into a human and make it my best friend, I would choose a vagina. In fact, I probably would name my new bvf (best vagina forever) something awesome like, Velociraptor. How cool would that be to show people my best friend and say, “Look, this is my best friend. Her name is Velociraptor.”
Of course they would say something like, “Dude, your best friend is a vagina named Velociraptor? That is so fucking cool.”
I’d respond, “I know right.”
21. The Word “Vagina”
The word “vagina” comes from the Latin root meaning “sheath for a sword,” which may explain why some women simply hate the word.
Nessa: I don’t like the word vagina so I’m going to call mine Sting-a-ling.
Ryan: How about the Holy Grail.
Nessa: Na, I don’t like that either. How about The Panic Room.
Ryan: I do feel safe inside it.
22. Vaginal Orgasms
Only about 30% of women have orgasms from intercourse alone. The clitoris is where the action is. Most women who do orgasm during sex have figured out how to hit their sweet spot, either from positioning or from direct stimulation of the clitoris with fingers.
Ryan: Wait, so using your fingers as direct stimulation during sex actually counts?
Nessa: We’ve been doing that since like the first grade.
Ryan: I’ve been bamboozled.
Nessa: Relax. Don’t jump to conclusions here okay. Let’s ask the judges. Judges, does using your fingers while you are having sex count as orgasming through penetration? Ehhhhhh. The judges do not accept that answer. Using your fingers is cheating.
Ryan: So all those years I was doing it right.
Nessa: Aww, don’t get mad I made you focus on figuring out how to make me cum with just using your dick.
Ryan: I’m ignoring you.
Nessa: It’s all about the no hands Ryan. Look mom, no hands!
Ryan: I can’t believe I felt like such a failure for years. I’ve been making you cum during sex with my fingers since the beginning.
Nessa: I know, but how will that help us if we ever become paraplegic Ryan? You have to think about these things sweety.
Ryan: Well I guess it’s good to know that if we both ever became paraplegics together at the exact same time, and like lose all functions of all of our limbs, we could achieve orgasms together.
Nessa: See, I told you! Think positive.
23. All Orgasms Aren’t Alike
The vagina has multiple pleasure-packed that can lead to different kinds of orgasms (penetration, g-spot, clitoral, blended, and multiple). Correct us if we’re wrong, but can’t guys only have one kind of orgasm? Yeah, thought so.
Nessa: Uh oh, someone is about to take us to penis church.
Ryan: I mean, this misconception frustrates me for sure. For one, some men can have multiple orgasms. And I mean multiple. No breaks, continuous orgasms. If the mood is right and you are in a zone, I can have orgasms until my penis is literally dry heaving.
Nessa: Haha. I verify the above statement.
Ryan: Plus men can have oral sex orgasms, hand/foot job orgasms, penetration orgasms, grinding our penis on different body part orgasms, vibrators on the head of the penis orgasms, and orgasms where we stroke our own selves off while a woman licks various places on our bodies.
Nessa: I’ve never told anyone the story about how you rubbed your crotch on my face until you shot cum all over me.
Ryan: Yea, and honestly, all these orgasms are different. For instance, with oral sex I used to have to concentrate. I’d get tense and sweaty, because it’s almost like you have to force the orgasm to happen. Or if you ride me and you get extremely aggressive, my whole body goes numb and I literally get completely paralyzed. With penetration, sometimes it’s uncontrollable and you can’t stop the feeling no matter how much you hold back. With hand jobs, it’s almost on demand. You can cum if you want, no need to concentrate, or you can hold back and keep your erection longer. With a vibrator on the penis head, I assume this would be similar to a female orgasm. The vibrations almost my entire penis itch, but the more I grind my hips, I can slowly feel the build up inside my body before I eventually release.
Nessa: You’re seriously sounding like Bubba Gump when he talks about his shrimp. Cum Cocktail, Cum Gumbo, Fried Cum, Cum Taco…
Ryan: …you better stop before you make yourself hungry.
Nessa: I’m always hungry for your cum.
24. Multiple Orgasms
You probably know that the “Big O” visits women more frequently than men. What you might not know is how many “multiple” really means. It’s an individual equation, but fortunately, enterprising young people continue to push the limits of human capability at Masturbate-a-thon events worldwide. In 2009, Deanna Webb rubbed out 226 orgasms for a world record. The year before the male title came (pun totally intended) with just 31.
Nessa: 226?! Damn! I had 226 orgasms once. It was during February 2013 – December 2013.
Ryan: 31 is pretty damn impressive though. However, I take back my previous statement. If a woman can orgasm 226 times in a day, then the vagina is definitely winning that battle.
Ryan: Probably faked 195 of them though. Just saying.
Nessa: Poor sport.
25. The Clitoris And The Penis Are The Same
Through the wonders of science, we now know that the bundle of tissue that makes up a woman’s clitoris is the very same as the one that makes up the penis. The same for the testicles and ovaries, clitoral hood and foreskin, and so on. We’re all the same, weird little peanuts until about the sixth week of gestation, when our sex cells begin to differentiate into male and female.
Nessa: Nature has a way in determining which way a human should properly evolve. You know, becoming a more fit survivor, a.k.a. a woman.
Ryan: Are you trying to turn this blog into a war? I will load my penis and shoot this thing if I have to.
Nessa: Don’t make me pee on you Ryan.
26. The Clitoris
There are 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris, dedicated exclusively to female pleasure. The penis only has 4000. In fact, the clitoris has more nerve endings than anywhere else on the body. No wonder it’s like the control center of your orgasm.
Nessa: Everyone knows women are more sensitive than men. Even their body parts are more sensitive.
Ryan: No argument there. Apparently, even the clitoris is a damn drama queen.
27. The Walls Are Pleated
Usually, the walls of the vagina lie compressed against each other. But when they need to open— to accommodate a tampon or penis—the sides separate and widen, kind of like the way an umbrella opens or a pleated skirt unfolds. The vagina typically swells from half an inch wide to 2 inches wide. And it can get even bigger — after all, a baby might have to pass through it.
Ryan: It’s always neat to know that my wife’s vagina is made out of the same material an accordion is.
Nessa: I don’t think that fact said anything about my vagina being made out of the same material as an accordion.
Ryan: Well, that’s how I read it.
Nessa: Why doesn’t that surprise me?
Ryan: I wonder if your vagina can make music when I stretch it?
Nessa: I’m sure you can, if you hit the right keys.
Ryan: Oh yea, call me Beethoven baby.
Nessa: Okay Ryan.
28. It Can’t Be Ruined
The vagina is incredibly elastic and can fit a super-sized penis — yet it always returns to its usual tightness after sex. But it might be a different story once a woman gives birth to a baby. Some moms say they do feel looser. You can tighten up by doing certain exercises.
Nessa: What if the penis is the size of a baby’s arm?
Nessa: Seriously. I’m worried.
Ryan: Do you feel looser than you did 16 years ago?
Nessa: I can’t really remember. But, I’m still worried. What if I go to the Ob-Gyn and she falls inside? Or I go to sit on a chair and it just disappears?
Ryan: Hah! What the fuck?
Nessa: This is not funny Ryan.
Ryan: I think these fun facts about the vagina are making you a vaginacondriac.
29. Bacteria’s Home Sweet Home.
Every vagina has bacteria inside it. But do not worry, it’s the kind of bacteria that keeps bad microorganisms in check so you don’t get an infection. One of the good bacteria is lactobacilli, also found in yogurt. In fact, some gynos say you can help cure a yeast infection by inserting a tablespoon of plain yogurt with live cultures into your vagina (put some on a tampon, and push it in).
Nessa: Or even better, I can have you stick your tongue in yogurt and then stick it inside me?
Ryan: Or my penis, to get a nice deep yogurt douching.
Nessa: If that doesn’t work I could put Monistat on your tongue and have me eat you out.
Ryan: Let’s make it like a science project.
Nessa: Anything for science is what I always say.
Ryan: Any reason to eat you out is what I always say.
Nessa: You really don’t need a reason sweety. Just say the word.
Ryan: Now, or do you want to finish this last fact?
30. Orgasms While She Sleeps
About a third of women can recall orgasming in their sleep, according to a study in the Journal of Sex Research. While nocturnal orgasms don’t happen all that often, nocturnal arousal occurs regularly during REM sleep—up to five times per night. And it’s not just her clitoris that becomes engorged with blood, but the entire genital area, making her more likely to have an orgasm.