Boyfriend found videos of me in old amateur porn. How do we recover?
Disclaimer: I thought I’d deleted the pictures from everywhere but somehow he found them on my laptop.
If it matters, my boyfriend is in his early 30s and I’m in my late 20s.
A few months ago, my boyfriend of 2 years found old videos and pictures of me having sex with someone else. It was someone I had previously told him I’d had sex with, so he knew it’d happened. He did not know the other guy personally.
Since then, he has confided in me that he felt numb after seeing the pictures, sex is emotionally painful for him because the pictures and videos pop into his head several times and it makes him lose his sex drive, and he has not felt as affectionate towards me.
In the first several days following his discovery, we had a lot of weird, emotionally detached sex, initiated by him.
Now we still have sex as much as we used to, but I can tell there is some kind of block… he’s just not into it like he used to be. Neither am I because I feel sad about what he saw and I know it hurt him. He doesn’t kiss me or hug me like he used to.
We both agreed that we don’t have bad feelings for each other, however, we don’t know how to get over this. Any advice on moving forward would be greatly appreciated.
Nessa’s response to him finding my old amateur porn
This is a tough situation. That kind of discovery can be very devastating to someone. Because even though he knows that you’ve had partners before him (I’m assuming), seeing pictures of you with another man (even if they were before you started dating each other) would just as bad as seeing you with a new man you are cheating with. Right now, he’s traumatized and no matter how hard he tries to tell himself that they’re not recent, it still hurts him to see another man do that to someone he loves. You will just have to reassure him that you have no feelings for your ex and that you did not intentionally keep the pictures. Remind him that you would never let another man touch you while you’re together. They’re just pictures from your past, not your present.
Ryan’s response to him finding my old amateur porn
This is a tough one. I don’t know how you will recover, but if you love each other and you are meant to be together, you will recover. Only time will fix this one. From seeing your ex lovers penis size, to seeing the things he did with you. You can never erase the pictures in his head, but if you love him, you can paint your own pictures. Love makes everything better. Love makes a dick bigger. Love makes sex better. Assure him, if you love him, that everything he does, everything he has, is better in every way.
Nessa tells me my dick is bigger than an elephants. Although that absolutely is not true, she says it in such a way that I say, “Fuck it, maybe it is.” Woman can convince us of anything. The power of pussy, the power of love, the power of your natural innocence. White lies, love lies, I don’t care what anyone says, it makes me feel good. It helps with my insecurity. And if a woman loves you so much she believes her own lies, I can live with that. Like in the movie The Matrix when the man is eating a steak he knows isn’t real, “Sometimes ignorance is bliss.”