Have You Ever Recorded Yourself Having Sex and…
DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY
I have this huge mirror in my bedroom (like a full wall because the mirror is actually on the closet’s doors) and the first time I looked at it having sex it was horrible. It felt completely ridiculous, like two chicken nuggets rubbing each other while missionary position. From that day on, I avoid looking.
So you and your girlfriend are getting hot and heavy. You look over at the side of the bed and see your phone laying there. She smiles up at you as she sees you look at it. She motions for you to grab it. You pick it up and she makes the prettiest face possible, as you hit the record button. She reaches up and grabs the phone and lays it over to the side so you can continue making the greatest sex video that ever existed.
After 25 minutes of pure piston action while she moans for you like the whole world is watching. Slowly, your body goes weak, and you feel the urge to release. You want to pull out to show the camera the next Peter North, but you just don’t have the strength or time. You try to stay upright so you can show your hips and ass muscles pumping inside your partner, but your muscles keep giving out. It won’t matter, this is going to be the greatest cumshot ever. You’re sweaty. Your worn out. And now your phone has video footage of the absolute perfect sex. The holy grail of amateur porn.
A few moments later, after showering, you and your girl lay down together and click on the video clip in your phone. As the video starts, you start noticing a few back pimples you didn’t know existed, a spare tired around your lower back, and your penis isn’t quite the same size as it is when you are staring down on it. Did someone swap your footage with an ugly couple that has no idea what they are doing? Your girls moans sound more like a wounded seal when listening back. What the hell?
You decide to fast forward to the greatest cumshot ever and let your girl see why she calls you Daddy. As you skip forward past 25 minutes of footage you finally get to that moment. You hold it up to your girl and both see what appears to be a Air Tube Dancing and following all over the place. Like an uncoordinated new born deer trying to walk for the first time. And wait, you are drooling on her back too?