Q&A: My Mom Found My Receipt for my Bondage Set and 10 Inch Dildo

10 inch dildoMy Mom Found My Receipt for my Bondage Set and 10 Inch Dildo

My mother knows my partner and I haven’t been sexually active for a while, she won’t be angry or anything it’s just incredibly goddamn embarrassing.  My 10 inch dildo guilt.

Well, the parcel arrived while my parents were at work so I destroyed the box and all packaging. Shredding everything into tiny pieces before putting them in an opaque carrier bag an into the bin. I thought I’d been very careful, I go away for the weekend to find a “Thank you for your purchases!” on my desk, with ALL my purchases listed including a bondage set and 10 inch dildo.

How incredibly embarrassing.

It wasn’t in an envelope or anything, does an invoice go to the house owner? I’m so fucking scared to have this conversation, actually teary from embarrassment.

Nessa’s response to mother finding 10 inch dildo

Michael Jackson comes to mind:

You are not alone!

We’ve been doing this for too long (but not quite as long as the dildo you purchased) when we start recycling huge dildo problems.

Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, or like me, swallow the entire 10 inch dildo and call it a day.

 

sitting on a 10 inch dildo The best course of action here is to pretend nothing is wrong. Not only that, pretend nothing is even wrong with a 10 inch dildo. My advice is to walk up to your parents and ask them if they found a receipt from a sex store.  If they affirm, look your father dead in his eyes and say, “Well at least you only saw the receipt for what I warm up with and not the real deal…”

Maybe this will teach them never to use their eyes again around any piece of paper that is on the floor around your bedroom door.  Later, text your dad and ask him the dimensions of the bedpost.   Tell him you and your boyfriend are doing some bedroom shopping.

I’m kidding.

Seriously, it’s no big deal.  I get the embarrassment, but you’ll all get over it.  They are probably just as embarrassed as you.  Rather than throwing it away and living with the shame of knowing and you being oblivious, they let you know that they knew.  Some people do prefer to not have these weird secrets.  They may never want to discuss it, but they want you to know, they know.  That’s it.

Ryan’s response to mother finding huge dildo 

I’ve been caught prone masturbating by my mother.  Not really nude or anything, just my shorts pulled halfway down and me grinding against a towel.  My mom walked in like, “What are you doing?”  Obviously that was embarrassing as hell for me.  I just yelled, “Nothing!  Close the door!”  

Yup, the old classic “close the door” response!

I have been caught by my wife masturbating more times than I’d like to think about.  Each time was embarrassing, but the last time she just laughed and walked off.  This was in the beginning of our relationship when our sexual compatibility was off.  In fact, I did a lot of things during those days that embarrass me to even think about.

get off your high horse and sit on a 10 inch dildoEither way, I lived through it.  My parents lived through it.  Nessa lived through it.   You’ll live through it.  Your parents will live through it.   We aren’t perfect and the sooner you accept that, the better off you will be.  It’s okay that you like 10 inch dildos that you could probably pole vault with and break records at the Summer Olympics, no big deal.  Who doesn’t?