Foursome Memoirs: The Silent Partner, Phone Sex, and Swingers

This is possibly the shortest running memoir series we will have on this blog.   1 post.

So we have been members of  a swing lifestyle website for years but have never met anyone from this site.  In fact, we have probably been members for just as long as we have blogged.   We’ve heard that although we only hook up with women, it’s still technically considered part of the swingers lifestyle.   Most swingers do actively look for a bi female, also known as the unicorn.  This past week, things changed.   We spoke with a couple that was interested in having the wife spoiled by another couple.   They were both in their second marriage and had only been married for about 3 months.  Personally, we both thought this was too soon, but we didn’t mention it. It was stated up front that the other wife wasn’t comfortable with Nessa and her husband hooking up, which was fine with us, because it isn’t something we do anyway.  The couple both spoke with us on Kik and talked about how they spent their honeymoon having a mmf threesome with the husband’s friend.   Kind of weird I guess, but whatever.  The husband talked a lot about how he is doing this for her, it’s all about her needs, and he is really just a silent partner that enjoys watching his wife pleased.  He said he was really excited to see her with another woman.

We decided that this couple may be a match for us.  Although we have never done anything with a husband/boyfriend in the same room, it does turn us on to think about having sex in front of another couple.  We also thought we’d enjoy watching another couple have sex in front of us.  In hindsight, this may not be a reality for us.  As a couple, we like to joke around, take things a little less serious, and we tend to use comedy as a way to deal with uncomfortable situations.   This would probably be a recipe for disaster when watching a horny couple getting it on in front of us.

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Threesome Memoirs: Q&A – Unicorns and Their Safety During Threesomes

Unicorns and Their Safety During Threesomes

I am a 23 year old female and am meeting a couple for drinks next week after we matched and chatted on tinder. They are staying in a hotel nearby, as they are on holiday, and have indicated that we might end up back at the hotel if drinks go well.

Unicorns – how did you know you would be safe when you met couples for threesomes? Not just on a relationship boundaries level, but from purely a ‘will I get kidnapped/raped/killed?’ point of view?

I have often matched with couples on tinder and am keen to try a threesome, but the issue of being outnumbered always puts me off. I am normally pretty spontaneous, experimental and confident when it comes to dating, but some help and advice in this area would be great!

Nessa’s response to safety during threesomes
I suppose you would take the same kind of precautions as if you were heading to any place that would have strangers and alcohol: let someone you know trust know where you’re going and the nature of the event. 

My suggestion is to be on the phone (or even pretend) and when you arrive, say something like, “Alright, I’m here…gotta go. Talk to you later” to let them know that there are people who know your whereabouts. If you think about it, it’s the smart thing to do without letting people you don’t completely trust them. If you went to a club or party alone, you’d probably put it on your calendar, tell your friends (roommate, etc.), or maybe even on social media. I wouldn’t suggest bringing a gun or other type of weapon since that could backfire. However, in your situation, if you want to be discrete, you can ask the hotel’s front desk to call your phone at a certain time or call the room. No matter what you decide to do, being spontaneous doesn’t mean you have to be unsafe.

Ryan’s response to safety during threesomes
Statistically, I’d say meeting a man by himself is far more dangerous than meeting a couple. To get a man on social media that is a psychopath, is much more common than meeting two people, male and female, both psychopaths, both in agreement to do something illegal. Probably not likely. I’d say meeting a couple is the safest thing to do on social media, lol. Couples usually don’t serial kill and rape together. It has happened, but not even in the stratosphere as far as the number of men raping women by themselves.

We have met women before and we felt equally as unsafe because they may end up back at our place, setting us up and plotting something in the future. We have no idea their true intentions. It works both ways. Meet in a public place and if they seem like genuine couple, go back to their place for drinks. Make sure you keep your cell phone on.

We had a girl meet us and we would hang out every so often.  I’d say we got somewhat close and would play together a few times a month.  Eventually we found out that the first time she met us she had a gun in her purse. That freaked me out a little. We don’t know who we are meeting either!

Q&A: Question About FFM Threesomes

threeI’m the male in this situation. I have had a few threesomes. This one is planned and I have logistical questions.

One girl I have unprotected sex with. One girl I have to use a condom with. How do I do this exactly? Should I fuck one, then the other, and try not to switch back? Do I clean myself inbetween? What do I clean myself with? Do I switch back and forth with a new condom every time?

Is there a guide for positions? The last couple times the girls were not bi and I had trouble coming up with good positions. They kept expecting me to tell them what to do and it’s hard commanding two girls when they do not want to touch each other. That will probably happen again at some point so could I have suggestions for positions for a threesome with two girls who are not bi and the current situation in which they are?

Sometimes they will be confused on how to do something. Is there a good generic answer for this? One common one is a double blowjob. They don’t know where to position themselves. What do I tell them?

These new girls, thankfully, are into each other. I think probably more than they are into me.

They made me buy restraints so if any ideas include those in the positions, that would be great. Silk ties.

Starting it is also always weird too. They always look to me to initiate it, but then they resist me encouraging them. I think I will try suggesting they do things to each other? 

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Jealousy in Threesomes

jealousy-open-relationshipI’ve mentioned before that I once read a sex blogger suggest that a way for a couple to spice up their sex life is to have a threesome. I cannot emphasize enough how detrimental that is. A threesome for a 20-something couple who’ve been dating for six months and still text in emojis is not the same as a threesome for a married couple who’ve been married 15+ years and have talked extensively about the logistics and repercussions. I’m not saying that every couple reacts a certain way to threesomes; it depends on the length of time together, their experience, their history, their levels of maturity, etc. What I am saying is that couples in healthy relationships are less susceptible to the fallout of a life-changing decision such as a threesome. I refused to stay in the mindset of a little girl when my relationship with and marriage to my husband. So I write this blog in an effort to offer some insight to other women (and men) who’ve given any thought to allowing others into their bed.

To begin, it is my humble opinion, and from personal experience, that the reason why threesomes don’t work in relationships may be because of jealousy.

  • Jealousy that the other woman will suck your man’s dick better
  • Jealousy that he will get hard for her and not for you
  • Jealousy that he will think she is sexier than you
  • Jealousy that she will try to take over in bed and make you feel inferior
  • Jealousy that he will give her too much attention or ignore you altogether
  • Jealousy that either one of them will break the pre-discussed boundaries in the heat of the moment
  • Jealousy that, after she leaves, he will ask you to do “that thing that she did to him”
  • Jealousy that he won’t stop fantasizing about her
  • Jealousy that he will call her behind your back for a private fuck session

These are all thoughts that went through my mind at least once, and which I’m sure that have gone through many women’s (and maybe even men’s) minds. Is it natural to have these thoughts? Hell yes! If I didn’t, then I didn’t feel loved and cared about. My whole marriage I was used to having the man who I dedicated my life to to belong only to me. I was never asked if he could be shared. I was never asked to explore outside or away from each other, separately. They never crossed our minds. Even when these thoughts of jealousy plagued my mind, I had to remember that the important thing was maintaining a strong line of communication between me and Ryan, one that we’d been working on keeping open and honest. I’d always been very quiet and refused to let him know what’s on my mind. I blame it on my Asian upbringing and being forced to never talk back. But that’s neither here nor there.

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Threesome Memoirs – Confessions

confessionsAdult videos make threesomes seem absolutely perfect.   As with everything that gets glamorized, the actual experience isn’t as glamorous as the idea or fantasy. Below we will give our readers a few confessions that we may or may not have already talked about. Although our stories also glamorize our experiences, that isn’t this blogs intentions.

Ryan: My relationship with Nessa is autistic. We aren’t understood and the decisions we make probably don’t make sense to anyone but us.  We have the outside world totally locked out.  Our inside jokes, our talks, our dislikes, and yes, even our threesomes.  The things we do bonds us closer together, but the third person becomes just an object we have totally used.  Whether to talk about after they leave, or to talk about while they are there.   Obviously we have no bad intentions to hurt them or anything, but we both like the idea of using the other person and seeing what they will do with us. When they leave, we move on with our life as if they do not exist. I find this behavior very psychopathic. However, because Nessa and I do this together, it bonds us and gives our minds this, “us against the world” feeling. This is also how you maintain a successful relationship while adding other women to the bedroom. A total shutdown afterwards is important.

Nessa: Threesomes aren’t as glamorous as they’re believed to be. Yes, it’s a turn on to be in it at the moment, and yes, I love being in one. But afterward, we start to recap the night and don’t feel like sex gods. And as it turns out, there were no harps playing in the background as I ate a chick out. We’re all human, we all have flaws, and we’re all imperfect.

Ryan: The idea of threesomes is better than the experiences themselves.  The freedom of having a spouse that almost becomes like a partner in crime (of passion), is liberating.  It’s like a sexual Bonnie and Clyde, where we use women together, talk dirty to them, then go back to our normal lives like it never happened afterwards.  It’s a rush and it feels invigorating.

Nessa: I liked fucking the other women with strap-ons.  I liked hearing them moan when I pushed my dick in too deep.  I liked watching their walls stretch because the cock is bigger than what their bodies are used to.  I like watching the girls lips pull out and grab on to my strap-on each time I slide it out of their bodies.  I can understand why men fuck hard or enjoy hearing a woman moan and cry while being fucked. It’s exciting, dirty, and the one time in our life where we can hurt someone and not feel bad about it.

Ryan:  I am unsure how a threesome would be as a single man, but when you are in love, it’s not as amazing as you would think it is. It’s also not fair to the other women, but I guess we never planned on it being fair.  Because they are not your wife, no matter what they smell like, it isn’t going to be the same.   Too much perfume, too much sweat, too much seafood (old cum), too much (fill in the blank for various things you have smelled while with a woman for the first time).   For me, I was turned off by anything that wasn’t my wife’s natural smell.

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